


stuck together

by hal9



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, M/M, Porn With Plot, Post-Canon, Second Chances, Time Skips, sort of enemies to fuckbuddies to lovers, squip tries to be nice but is not very good at it, things don't work out with Christine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-02-12 14:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12960990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hal9/pseuds/hal9
Summary: He looks the Squip in the eyes and his voice is quiet but determined. “Just listening to you is dangerous.”The Squip sighs, frustrated. He looks like someone with a headache, but Jeremy doesn’t think that is possible for a supercomputer (even if he’s not so super anymore). “You are stuck with me, Jeremy. And I am stuck with you. So we should devise a system on how we’re going to deal with this.”The Squip keeps coming back and Jeremy learns to live with it.





	1. Chapter 1

_Jeremy._

_Jeremy._

**_Jeremy._ **

He wakes up with a jolt. That’s the third time tonight. He’s been having trouble sleeping ever since the incident at the play; when he doesn’t have insomnia, he has nightmares, and if he manages to not have a disturbing dream, he wakes up at every little noise. Today it sounds like someone is calling out to him. He groans and turns around in bed, a shred of hope of being able to sleep until the morning still alive.

And then he hears it again.

“Jeremy.”

“Squip?” he asks in a sleepy voice, as he looks around, eyes adjusting to the darkness. And sure enough, there he is, sitting on a corner of his bed. “What do you want?” Then his eyes widen as it finally hits him. “What are you doing here?! I thought you were gone!”

“Don’t speak so loud, you’ll wake your father.”

Jeremy backs up into a sitting position and, much to his own annoyance, follows the Squip’s advice to lower his voice. “How are you back?”

“I never left.” But as Jeremy puts as much distance as he can between them without leaving the bed, he quickly adds “Don’t worry, I won’t shock you or take control of your body. I cannot make you feel anything you do not want to anymore, the Mountain Dew Red disabled that. But I finally got you to see me, which suggests it is something you’re not completely opposed to.”

“But _I am_ opposed to seeing you.”

“On a superficial level.” The Squip smiles and his voice is smug and amused as he continues speaking. “But now that you’re back to overthinking every little thing again, you have to admit... things were easier with me. There is a part of you that finds my presence comforting.”

Could it be? No, that doesn’t make any sense. Jeremy wanted the Squip gone after the play and he still does. The bottle of Mountain Dew Red hidden in his closet is proof of that.

“Jeremy, what I’m trying to say is it’s going to be different now. You can trust me.”

 _Yeah, right._ He crosses his arms and straightens his back. It’s odd having this conversation in his pajamas, sitting in bed, dimly lit by the lava lamp in the corner of the room.

“If you’re here, does that mean the rest of the cast kept their squips too?”

“I don’t think so.” The Squip seems uncomfortable with the question. It’s not a bad look on him. “I cannot... connect to any of them. At first, I assumed they had disappeared, but then I realized I could not establish contact with any squip in the world, so I am not certain. I can’t seem to connect with anything on my own. 

“So, you’re like... offline?”

“Not right now. Your home Internet connection is not terrible.”

“Did you need the wifi password?”

“... Yes.” It makes Jeremy snort, but the Squip continues, feigning indifference. “I got it from your memories.”

“Wow. That’s lame.”

He prepares himself for the nasty comeback that is sure to come, but it never does. Jeremy watches in amazement as the Squip just huffs and looks away, and this behavior is stranger than everything he’s said so far. Was he genuinely trying to change? No, no, it can’t be. This is all a trick, a trick to slowly earn back his trust, and Jeremy won't be falling for it.

“It’s not a trick.”

“I’ll be the one deciding that.” He doesn’t like thinking at the Squip and he likes it even less when he replies to his thoughts unprompted.

“Jeremy, I’ve already explained I cannot force you to do anything, or punish you in any way. How can I possibly harm you? I’m quite powerless.”

“Yeah, but you can talk me into doing stupid or hurtful stuff, which is almost as bad.” Michael might have forgiven Jeremy, might’ve put his arm around him, saying things like _“Dude, we’re cool, stop beating yourself over it”,_ but that can only be because Michael is a such a good person, better than Jeremy will ever be. Betraying his best friend, even if under another’s influence, had been something he agreed to do, and Jeremy isn’t able to forgive himself just yet. He looks the Squip in the eyes and his voice is quiet but determined. “Just listening to you is dangerous.”

The Squip sighs, frustrated. He looks like someone with a headache, but Jeremy doesn’t think that is possible for a supercomputer (even if he’s not so super anymore). “You are stuck with me, Jeremy. And I am stuck with you. So we should devise a system on how we’re going to deal with this.” He says calmly, as if explaining something to a child. But Jeremy is not a child.

“How did the Mountain Dew feel?”

“Painful. Not deadly.” He sounds so tired, it’s almost sad, but then he laughs, a short hollow sound that startles Jeremy. “You know, I’m probably defective. I don’t think I _can_ die.”

“Maybe I should drink another liter bottle. Just to make sure.”

“And you’ll get a stomach ache, like the last time you tried. I do not advise it.”

“Might be worth it.” Jeremy says, the defiance in his voice clearer each time he speaks. It earns him an irate glare from the Squip.

“I see it is impossible to have a conversation with you at the moment. I’ll come back later.” He says, before disappearing from his vision.

Jeremy smiles a little. It’s a small victory, but it’s the proudest he’s been of himself in a while.

 

*

 

He doesn’t tell Michael about the previous night, but he asks if he can get him some more Mountain Dew Red. Just in case.

  

*

 

A few days go by. Jeremy is sitting at his desk when he hears the Squip again.

_Jeremy, I’m still here. I’m always here. Could you stop drinking Mountain Dew Red? It’s terribly uncomfortable but will not succeed in getting rid of me. It’s not healthy for you either, you’re already ruining all those weeks of working out._

“I don’t care.”

_Just give me a chance, Jeremy. You can choose how to use me. I won’t interfere in your relationships. I’ll do your maths homework._

He plays with his pencil, shuffling it between his fingers. _X is 42,6_ the Squip says in his mind. Jeremy writes it down. If he can’t make him disappear and he’s as powerless as he says, would it be that bad to just stop fighting his presence...?

_I’ll do whatever you want._

“S-say that to my face.” The Squip appears and Jeremy twirls his chair to face him. He knows it looks nothing like when they do it in the movies, with expensive chairs in fancy offices (and definitely not stuttering), but it still feels like a good reference in his mind. The Squip looks like he’s trying hard not to roll his eyes.

“I see you are enjoying this role reversal.” He says in a dry tone. “But fine. I’ll follow your orders, Jeremy. Please.”

It is indeed satisfying to see him like that.

“What else? Do you want me to beg? I hadn’t realized you were into that sort of thing.” The Squip smirks at Jeremy’s sudden flustered expression.  “It’s always the quiet ones.”

“I'm..." Jeremy starts but stops before he can embarrass himself any further. "Don’t do that. Besides, I’m with Christine now.” Sort of. They had lunch together at school, and they did go on a date and kiss. He hopes it’ll happen again. So he certainly doesn’t need any of this weird virtual flirting, which brings back completely inappropriate memories of things Jeremy enjoyed much more than he likes to admit.

“I’m not trying to seduce you, Jeremy. Although, if you feel your needs are not being fulfilled with her...”

“Argh, just go!”

“As you wish. _Master._ ”

Jeremy groans and grabs a pen to throw at the snickering computer, but he is gone before the object has a chance to fly through him.

 

*

 

Things don’t work out with Christine.

She was sweet and he told her he would be okay.

He does not feel okay.

He’s been sitting in the porch ever since getting back from school, head in his hands, and doesn’t plan on moving any time soon. And the Squip... The Squip actually did as he was told and didn’t interfere. He couldn’t even blame him. (He did try to do it once though, just a simple suggestion, while Jeremy was talking to Christine. He ignored it and when he got home that day, he drank the soda he had been hiding. It was gross but the Squip was quiet for two days.)

“Maybe you do need me, Jeremy.”

“Shut up. I’m not going to listen to you and you’re not going to make this my fault because... because it’s not me, it just. Happens.” That’s what Michael said earlier and he really wants to believe it. “All your advice didn’t make her like me, anyways.”

The Squip glances at him, expression unreadable, but his voice sounds disgusted when he finally speaks. “No, it did not. What a failure.” Yes, Jeremy knows, there’s no need to remind him. “Could not even get a high school boy a girlfriend.”

Oh. He had never seen the Squip being self-depreciating before, it was... strange. He expected the sight to give him some sort of superficial joy but somehow it doesn’t.

“Don’t get me wrong, Jeremy, you are a failure as well, but, as a human, that is only natural. That’s where I come in. My job was to improve your life, but apparently it is beyond my abilities. I must really be defective.”

“It’s not your fault.” Jeremy says before he can stop himself, and they both just stare at each other for a few seconds. “I, it, uh, it just came out.”

“Good, because if you were trying to comfort me that would be even more pathetic. For both of us.” He gets up and Jeremy follows him with his eyes. “Now get inside before you catch a cold. The temperature has dropped significantly since you first sat down. Also, your neighbor has been staring at you talk to yourself for two minutes. You need to get back to just thinking at me, as if you were in... _X-Men_.”

Jeremy stares at the Squip some more and blinks before turning his attention to the sidewalk, where a middle-aged woman walking her dog is looking at him with a worried (or is it horrified?) look on her face. He waves awkwardly, wishes he hadn’t, and heads back inside.

 

*

 

“And apparently that is the most intimate thing you can do to a lover, other than washing their hair.” Michael says, sounding like he finished proving an excellent point about... something.

Jeremy has no idea what his best friend is talking about. Which is slightly terrible, considering how he almost ruined their friendship by ignoring him, but the only thing he can focus on is on how Christine just got up from where she was sitting, a few tables away from them, and is now leaving the cafeteria. He sighs. Michael waits until she is no longer in sight before continuing to speak, now with a more concerned tone:

“Buddy, you know I’ve always supported you, but I think it’s time to move on. And she still wants to be friends, right? That’s not too bad.”

“I wonder if she hated our date.” Jeremy says in a quiet voice, but then his eyes widen as he considers yet another possibility. “Oh no, Michael, what if it wasn’t a date and I was the only who thought it was? But we did kiss. Maybe I’m just a really bad kisser?”

“Uh. I wouldn’t really know, dude.” Michael says, suddenly checking something on his headphones. “But, uh, I’m sure you’re fine.”

_You are._

Jeremy doesn’t reply to any of them. How odd that the Squip and Michael would agree on something. But he doesn’t dwell on what it was they agreed on, focusing instead on the gooey substance on his plate. He’s not sure it’s edible, much less proper to be served as lunch to growing teenagers. Christine could probably talk about it for hours.

“So,” Michael says, calling him back to reality, “do you want to come by my place later? Video games and stuff?”

“Yeah, sure.” He looks up at Michael, and he has such a welcoming smile, Jeremy can’t help but smile back a little. “Sounds great.”

 

*

 

_Michael is right. You should move on._

“Don’t talk about Michael as if you suddenly like him now.” Jeremy says, turning around in bed. He can’t sleep again. “And... I know... but...” he starts, in a small voice, but never finishes the sentence. He just shrugs sadly.

_I can help you take your mind off things._

“How?”

“Sex _._ ” The Squip casually says as he sits next to him. He brings his hand to Jeremy’s face. “If you let me, you can feel this.”

“Why would you do that?”

“You’ve been ignoring me. I’m a computer, Jeremy, I just want to be useful. So... use me.” His voice feels like honey as he whispers those last words in Jeremy’s ear. It would feel so good to just say yes, to let himself go and stop thinking. The Squip moves to straddle his lap, but they’re not touching, they can’t touch, not before Jeremy does something he shouldn’t.

“It’s alright, Jeremy.”

It’s not alright. He shouldn’t give the Squip any power over his body. But he’s looking so attractive on top of him, biting his lip, eyes pleading, the dim light making every feature softer. Jeremy knows it’s all for show but... what a good show. And he wants to be touched so bad.

“Let me cheer you up.”

Fuck it.

He pulls the Squip by the back of his neck and his hand doesn’t pass through him, he’s feeling him again, feeling their lips lock together, feeling the weight of his body on his own. It’s as if a wave of electricity is passing through his body, but in a good way, and the Squip makes a pleased sound as he deepens the kiss.

Jeremy bites his lip, and the Squip bites him back, surprised, his hands roaming through Jeremy’s body, and everything feels very hot.

He takes his shirt off, pajama pants and underwear following, and the Squip is biting his neck, clothes gone as well, his hand now fondling Jeremy's nipple. Then his mouth is on his other nipple, sucking gently at first and then harder, and Jeremy gasps and arches his spine in pleasure.

Looking him in the eye, the Squip leaves the nipple with a wet lick, proceeding to kiss his way through Jeremy’s chest and belly until he reaches his crotch. He’s about to take him in his mouth when Jeremy interrupts.

“Wait. Don’t. Come here.”

The Squip rises, slightly confused, and Jeremy looks at him, not quite sure of what he’s doing either. He feels the curve of the Squip’s waist with his hand, feels his skin soft and warm. Then his grip is firmer and he turns them around so that he’s the one on top. He slowly spreads the Squip’s legs apart, stroking his thighs up and down.

“Do you want me to look like Christine?” he asks, looking up at Jeremy.

“Yes... I mean. No. Stay like that.” This is not how he wanted to do it with her, anyways. With Christine, he would have been sweet and romantic and... There’s no point in thinking about it because it didn't happen and it's never going to. He might as well start dealing with that information now.

“Then what are you waiting for?” The Squip says, spreading his legs wider, with that infuriating smirk that makes Jeremy want to throw things at him.

And that’s exactly what he needs to grab him by the hips and enter him roughly, making the Squip gasp. Jeremy struggles with not making any loud noises himself. What if his dad is awake, what if he opens the door, he should’ve locked it, he shouldn’t even be doing this on the first place, he-

“Stop thinking.” The Squip says, holding Jeremy's face. "Just fuck me."

So he does. He thrusts harder and Squip moans and moves with him. The Squip whispers his name, digging his nails into Jeremy’s back, wrapping his legs around him, and Jeremy moans too, not caring about anything else anymore. His thrusts get faster. The Squip pulls him closer by the hair and Jeremy comes inside him.

He rolls over and collapses on the bed, breathing heavily, the Squip sitting by his side, with his knees brought to his chest. For a few moments everything feels just fine. Jeremy closes his eyes, and he can feel fingers brushing through his hair, softly pulling at the strands. He can’t recall how many years it’s been since someone last played with his hair. It’s so soothing... Maybe he will finally fall asleep...

But as this state of bliss slowly fades away, his anxious mind gets back to work. Now the Squip’s one step closer to take over his body and bring back the hive mind of the school play. This was a mistake. And for such a stupid reason.

The Squip sighs and lets go of Jeremy’s hair.

“I’ve already told you I won’t do that.” he says. “Why would I? I was trying to improve your life, but now that you’ve decided you’re fine with being a loser for the rest of your high school career, there’s no point in trying to fix that. Although, since you gained some new friends, your social status did improve slightly.”

“That’s not... I just... I want to be myself.” Jeremy pauses, scratching his hand nervously. “And I still don’t trust you. Are you even sorry for anything?”

“Jeremy, it’s quite literally impossible for me to try doing anything similar again. You broke my system and I can’t fix it.”

“Well. Good. I-I’m not going to apologize for that. I’m glad it happened.”

“Congratulations, that shows you grew a spine.” The Squip snaps back bitterly. There’s another pause and now he’s the one avoiding Jeremy’s gaze. “You’re terrible at pillow talk. Don’t forget to clean the bed.” And with that he disappears.

Jeremy stares in disbelief at the now empty space in his bed. Had he... hurt the Squip’s feelings...? Did the Squip even have feelings capable of being hurt? He waits for the voice in his head to answer at least one of these questions, but it never comes. “Hello?” Still nothing.

Great. Now he was stuck with a squip who learned how to sulk.

 

*

 

It is only after getting dressed and going downstairs to get a glass of milk that Jeremy hears the Squip speak again: 

_I’m sorry you were not pleased with my service._

“That’s your apology?”

_Right and wrong are subjective human concepts. I aimed for efficiency and that seemed the most efficient method to achieve your goal at the time. I am sorry, Jeremy._

Jeremy sighs as he closes the fridge. That was probably the closest he could get to a heartfelt apology from a computer, wasn’t it? “Just... listen to me from now on, I’ll give the Mountain Dew back to Michael. I think I’d rather not try any flavor of that thing for the rest of my life, anyways.” Jeremy says, and he can almost hear the Squip smile.

_Thank you._

“We’re stuck together, right?”

 

*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was meant to be a one-shot, but I kept thinking about what could happen afterwards... I like the idea of the Squip having no morals due to being a computer and not a person, but also being capable of adapting and learning better behavior. Also, you know when technology starts getting older or broken and functions a little differently than it's supposed to / develops a personality? That's also a bit of what I wanted here. 
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is a time skip to when Jeremy's in college, I hope you enjoy.

*

 

He’s sitting in bed, download complete, lube in one hand and tissues close by. No roommate around for the next hours. Perfect conditions. Jeremy clicks play.

“So,” a seductive voice whispers in his ear, while arms wrap around his waist, “what are we watching today?”

Jeremy yelps in surprise and shoves the Squip away. “Could you not do that? Appearing like that while I’m. Doing this.”

The Squip shrugs and casually sits next to him in bed, a smug smile on his face. “I was bored. You ought to be more careful, you almost kicked your laptop to the floor.”

“Wonder whose fault that would be,” Jeremy says as he reaches for it to pause the video. 

“Yours. Or mine, depending how you look at it, but the problem would still be yours” the Squip replies, and Jeremy just shakes his head in disbelief. He's about to ask for his privacy back, when the Squip continues with a grin, "I was thinking, Jeremy, if you’re going to fantasize about me, you might as well get the real deal.” Jeremy stares. _What?_ He wasn’t, really, he was literally just going to watch porn, he’d even paid for this one. “No, not now you weren’t, but this morning...”

“What do yo-” Jeremy starts and then remembers, and oh no, that was embarrassing, “wait, that doesn’t count, I can’t control my dreams!”

“True. However,” he says, his hand slowly going down Jeremy’s chest, “that moment after you wake up and you reach down as you try to consciously continue the dream in your mind, well… Consciously says it all, doesn’t it?” 

The hand stops on his lower belly, right above his half hard dick. Jeremy almost whimpers. 

“Why are you being like this?” he asks in a small voice, eyes down and cheeks burning. Whatever his squip’s planning is sure to be better than jerking off by himself, so it’s not like he’s losing anything, but he can’t help but feel slightly ashamed at how fast he gives in and at how excited not being the one asking to initiate things makes him feel. 

“Because this, Jeremy, is what you’ve reduced my existence to. I might as well try to enjoy it.”

The Squip kisses him and pushes him down to the bed and Jeremy happily lets himself go, catgirl porn quickly forgotten.

 

*

 

“Ugh, I’m never gonna get a girlfriend this way.” 

Jeremy’s picking up clothes from the floor, the ones he was wearing before and some others that were already there. The Squip, still undressed and casually laying down on his stomach in bed, raises an eyebrow and throws him a look.

“Saying that kind of thing after having sex with someone is unlikely to get you one, yes. Maybe you should just give up on it," he says in a casual voice. "You might do better at getting a boyfriend. Or at least a hook up.”

“Huh? I’m not gay.” He says as he picks up a sock. It’s stiff. It’s green with little soccer balls and Jeremy doesn’t remember owning anything soccer themed, which means it’s not his sock and he throws it to the other side of the room. Gross.

“Well, you’re certainly not straight either.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Are you serious? I’m inside your brain, I know what you look at. Besides, you could have me in any shape you want, and yet the one you choose is-“

“T-that’s only because it’d be weird if you looked like someone else!" Jeremy stutters defensively, "I mean, weirder. It’s already weird enough that we… Doesn’t matter, you’re not a real person anyways.”

“Whatever helps you sleep better at night, Jeremy.” He glares at snickering squip, who surprisingly does stop, but still looks amused. “Look, your sexuality is irrelevant to me since you decided to refuse my assistance with relationships, but I fail to understand why you’d be in denial with yourself or with me. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.”

“But... I like girls. You know I do.”

“I never said you didn’t. But you can also like guys. And anyone else who doesn’t fit into those two categories,” the Squip says matter of factly, while Jeremy feels his face getting warmer. He puts on his shirt and jeans and refuses to meet the other’s gaze. “Jeremy, if you want a relationship, you need to get out of your room. It’s 2018. Your best friend is gay. You’re in college. Go get laid with a real person instead of your computer.”

It hurts a bit when he says it.

 

*

 

The perfect opportunity shows up a week later in the shape of a party. Perfect, according to the Squip, who’s been really insistent on him meeting new people, because wasn’t his high school self dying to get to college, the place where he’d finally be cool? Part of Jeremy agrees it is a good idea, but now that they’re actually here, a drink in his hand and a bunch of strangers around, none of his classmates in sight, the other part wishes he’d accepted Michael’s invitation for pizza and video games. (There’s yet another part of him that would’ve rather stayed in his room watching porn so the Squip could interrupt it again, but he tries to burry that thought, and fortunately the Squip doesn’t comment on it either.)

“You should talk to that guy over there by the window, he's been checking you out."

 _What? Why would anyone check me out?_ It’s not like he was the most terrible looking person ever, and his high school acne finally disappeared, something he's very grateful for, but he’s still lanky and geeky Jeremy Heere. He takes the drink to his lips and looks around, trying to find this person without being noticed.

“You look alright, Jeremy,” the Squip says and he ruffles his hair in a way that seems almost fond, maybe is, he can never tell for sure. It gives him a tiny boost of confidence in any case, and some other sort of warm and wobbly feeling. “Give me some credit for not letting you succumb to a diet of instant food and permanent lazing around. Although," he continues dramatically, "as much as it pains me, it seems your nerdy t-shirt is what caught his attention first.”

 _Ha!_ Jeremy thinks triumphantly, _I told you geek culture was cool now._ He has to contain himself not to laugh at the face the Squip makes.

“Geek culture becoming mainstream was a mistake. But back to the subject, if you’re interested, approach him and let him start the conversation. And remember, I can’t-“

_Yeah, yeah, you can’t work with alcohol, I know. Could use some privacy anyways. Didn’t you tell me to stop getting laid with my computer?_

The Squip opens his mouth to speak but then seems to change his mind and closes it. Jeremy looks at him quizzically. “I’ll just put myself to temporary sleep mode and see you later then,” he finally says before disappearing.

 

*

 

 _No, no, no, not good,_ he repeats to himself as he paces around, the chilly night air feeling good on his skin, but not enough to sober him up. Getting tipsy and talking to people who were actually interested in him was supposed to be fun, so why wasn’t it? He can still hear the music, but it’s a distant sound now, and he grabs his phone, his fingers slipping and failing the code on the touchscreen twice before getting it right.

The kissing wasn’t bad. It tasted like beer and tobacco, and it was nice to have someone paying him attention, to have strong hands grabbing his waist, softly pushing him against the wall. But it mostly felt weird. He barely knew anything about this guy. _Well, that’s the point, isn’t it, meeting new people,_ said a voice in his head, but it wasn’t his squip's voice, it was just Jeremy talking to himself, and it sucked because he couldn’t give himself advice on what do to get out of this situation.

He slightly pushed against his partner, who misinterpreted it as a sign to kiss him deeper. And it was fine, Jeremy’s tipsy mind thought, it wasn’t like he was disliking it anyways, so he made his body relax into the embrace, but then there was a hand going underneath his shirt and no, too much, he had to get out, so he mumbled an awkward  _"I gotta go"_  and walked away as fast as he could.

Not good.

 _“Hey dude!”_ comes Michael’s always cheerful voice through the phone, and Jeremy feels much better just for hearing him. _“Thought you were at some party?”_

“Yeah, I was. Hm, can I see you?”

_“Now?”_

“Yes? I mean, it’s not important, it can wait, I, uh, I can-“

_“Wait, Jeremy, are you alright? Do you need me to pick you up? Where are you?”_

“N-no, I’m fine, don’t worry! It just… I could use some time with my best friend.”

_“Okay… Well, I’m in my room if you wanna show up, or we can meet somewhere else.”_

“Yours is fine. I’ll be there soon. Thanks.”

 _Squip?_  he calls in his mind. Still nothing. Jeremy rubs his temples and heads towards Michael’s dorm.

 

*

 

He was supposed to share this room with Michael. They managed to get accepted into the same college, which was amazing, but not in the same dorm, which was ridiculous. Something about a mistake in the database, or the school not accepting that kind of request, it changed depending on who answered their e-mails, until they’d given up trying to fix it. Which was how Jeremy had ended up with Greg who, despite not being a terrible person, was not Michael, which made his ocasional loudness and bad habit of leaving dirty clothes around, including underwear, all the more irritating. 

He can't help but think about it even now, sitting in his friend’s bed while said friend stares at him as he finishes telling his story (a squip free version of the story, that is, he’s not prepared or drunk enough to make that many revelations in one night).

“Dude…” Michael says after a few seconds. “You could’ve told me, you know. Before deciding to hook up with some random guy to see if you liked it or not. I’m your player one. Who also happens to be gay, I mean, how did you think I was gonna react?”

“I don’t know… It feels even dumber when you put it like that.” Jeremy fidgets with his hands in his lap. “Sorry, I just… I was nervous to tell anyone.”

“Yeah, I know the feel. It’s hard.” Michael places his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezes, which makes him let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and Michael chuckles. He lets himself fall back in the bed and stretches, letting out a sigh in the end. “It would’ve been nice if you figured that out earlier, though. Rich even wrote _noh omo_ in our backpacks once because of how often you said it, remember that one?”

Jeremy makes an estranged noise and hides his burning face in his hands, before whispering a muffled apology, “God, I was such an idiot.”

“A bit, yeah. But never mind that now. And, hm, since we’re doing all this sharing, I…” Michael starts, sounding oddly hesitant, and Jeremy looks down to see it’s now his friend’s turn to avoid his gaze. “I kinda had a crush on you during high school. More than a crush, really…”

“W-what?” Jeremy widens his eyes and feels his face get even hotter.

“Don’t worry, I’m over it now!” Michael adds quickly. “You always told me who you liked, so there wasn’t much of a point in confessing, anyways. And I guess there’s even less of a point now but, well, here it is!” Jeremy remains silent and Michael looks at him nervously. “We… we’re cool, right?”

“Of course! Sorry, I was surprised, that’s all. And flattered. Don’t really know what to say. Feeling kinda warm and fuzzy inside.” Jeremy replies, a smile forming on his lips, and Michael sighs in relief and smiles as well.

“Me too.”

They stay in comfortable silence until Michal gets up and speaks again.

“Actually, there’s… something else I've been meaning to tell you.” Michael says, a sheepish look on his face. “Remember Nick, that guy I used to play Worldcraft with?”

“Yeah?”

“We’ve been talking a lot, in private, and... he said he liked me and I, uh, I think I really like him too.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah. So, he lives a couple of hours away from here, and we were planning to meet? But haven’t really decided on anything about that yet.” Michael adds in a hurry, glancing at Jeremy.

“Want me to come with you?”

“Would you?”

“Of course! Need to make sure he’s not actually some creep.”

“Oh, my savior!” Michael says, batting his eyelashes and leaning against Jeremy, who elbows him playfully in the arm. They both laugh and Michael gives him a warm smile. “You know, I’m more used to meeting up with shady people than you are, and I’m sure he’s not a creep and you guys will get along just fine but. Thanks, bro, I appreciate it.”

“Anytime.”

 

*

 

They eat Michael’s leftover slices of pizza and play _Apocalypse of the Damned_ , for the sake of old times. It really sucks they didn’t get to be roommates, it would’ve been the perfect campus life, doing this stuff every day. Jeremy’s slightly disappointed he doesn’t hear a nagging voice in his head pointing out how harmful a lifestyle of pizza, videogames and getting stoned would be.

“Hey, remember when we beat all the squips with those moves from level nine? And then everyone was screaming when they died. I guess you don’t really remember that last part because you fainted, but it was awesome.”

The only thing Jeremy can do is laugh, a laugh he hopes doesn’t seem too nervous or fake. He’s starting to feel truly guilty for not telling Michael the whole story, which means he’s definitely sober now, and he wonders what’s taking the Squip so long to return.

 

*

 

After an hour of nostalgic videogames, Jeremy's back in his room, laying down and staring at the ceiling in the almost darkness. His roommate seems to be away for the night, so he calls out loud for the Squip.

 _… Yes?_   He sounds somewhat reluctant. Jeremy frowns.

“How long have you been back for?”

“A while” the Squip says and materializes sitting on the edge of the bed. “I reactivated while you were still with Michael and reviewed the contents of the night. I am not good at comforting and you were occupied so it seemed better not to interfere.”

“Huh. Still, you could’ve said something, I was getting…” _worried_ , he’s about to say, but stops himself in time, not wanting to sound like he cares too much. Of course, the Squip can read his mind, so there’s no use in pretending, and he groans in frustration, hiding his face in his arms. And since when did he care about interrupting Jeremy, anyways?

“I shouldn’t have pushed you into that situation earlier,” the Squip says after a while, sounding genuinely apologetic. Jeremy lifts his arms and looks at him without saying anything, as if in a daze, and then faces the ceiling once more. 

“It's fine. I mean. Whatever. I… I don’t think I can handle real people after all.”

“Of course you can, Jeremy. But maybe only people you actually like.”

Jeremy covers his face again. He can feel a knot forming on his throat and he knows his voice will shake if he speaks, so he just thinks at the Squip, _What if I said I liked you?_

“That would be stupid,” he replies, but his tone isn’t harsh as usual, not even harsh at all, it’s been oddly soft ever since he reactivated. But it still hurts and Jeremy can feel tears piling up in his eyes.

“Jeremy…”

“I know it’s messed up. I’m m-messed up.”

“Don’t cry.”

“J-just leave if it b-bothers you that much.”

But the Squip doesn’t leave. Instead, he brushes through Jeremy’s hair, his fingers drawing circular patterns, until his sobs quiet down a little. Jeremy takes the Squip’s hand, not sure what he wants to do with it. He can then feel the Squip kissing his tears away, but he can also still feel them running down his cheeks and it’s weird and confusing, so he pulls him close by the back of his neck and kisses his lips.

“I want you.” Jeremy whispers, still holding him close. “Touch me. It’s fine if it’s you.” His hands move to the Squip’s shirt. He doesn’t want his clothes to just disappear like usual, he wants to be the one taking them off, and they can pretend, just for a little, that this -

“Because I’m not real?”

“No. Because you’re you,” he says firmly, “and I like you.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Why? It’s okay for me to kiss you and fuck you and, and all this whatever you're doing now, but I can’t like you?” It comes out louder than he intended but he doesn’t care and he gives a short laugh, feeling everything but amused. The Squip’s looking at him but he can’t figure out his expression due to the darkness and his still blurry vision. He was never good at reading him, anyways. “I’m sorry.” Jeremy adds, after a while, not quite sure why, as the Squip must know everything he said is true. But apparently the truth doesn’t matter, as he is only capable of having feelings for people (and things, apparently? how fucked up is that?) who do not want to be with him and sure, he’s not the same loser he was in high school, but he guesses there are other things that never change.

He feels the Squip’s lips on him again. “That’s not true, Jeremy,” he says, with that same soft voice from before. 

“It is.” Jeremy sniffles. He turns to lay on side and the Squip sighs and goes back to a sitting position. “Does it even matter? If this feels real, does it matter if it’s not? Isn’t feeling it what counts?”

“I don’t know how to answer that question.”

“And, I mean, it’s not like you’re not real. You’re just not... physical.”

“I am also the worst thing that happened to you.”

Jeremy shrugs. That’s probably true, the damage had been bad and could have been much worse. But he was different now. They both were. Besides, he couldn’t get rid of the Squip, he tried plenty of times in the past. It all seems so distant now. 

“Would you?” the Squip asks quietly.

“Would I what?”

“Would you still get rid of me if you could?”

“No.” Jeremy replies. What part of _I like you_  did he not understand? He would prefer if he wasn't inside his mind, but he didn’t want him gone. Not anymore. The Squip doesn't seem convinced, so he adds, a spark of anger in his still slightly shaky voice, “What? I can’t lie to you, can I?”

There’s no reply and Jeremy rubs the tears from his eyes. At least he’s stopped crying now. Stupid Squip, of course he wouldn’t understand this. He shifts in bed to avoid touching the other’s body but ends up returning to the same place.

The Squip is the one to break the silence. “I do… return your feelings, Jeremy. If these can be considered feelings at all.”

“Huh?”

“I am programmed to comprehend feelings on an intelectual level, not actually feel them. I can’t even tell if I truly feel them or if your emotions are somehow rubbing of on me, I’m not… AIs do evolve, but since you broke my system, I can’t connect to anything else and now I don’t…” he cuts his explanation short and runs a hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable with the sensation of not knowing things. “The point is this is ridiculous. And it’s not good for you.”

At that last part, Jeremy snorts, making his companion throw him an almost offended look. He raises himself up in bed so they’re at the same eye-level when he says “I’m the one who knows what’s good for me.”

“Jeremy, pursuing a relationship with me is not in your best interests,” the Squip says as he backs away but Jeremy doesn’t let the distance between them get any bigger. “You wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about it, and people might find your behavior strange. It could make you feel lonely in different ways from what you’ve felt before. Amongst other other obvious considerations related to the fact I do not have a physical body and exist only in your mind.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do. You’ve always been painfully afraid of what others think of you.”

“I.. I’m trying to change that. And didn’t you say you wouldn’t assist me with relationships anymore?”

“Yes, but this is obviously an exception, I do not-“

“Then don’t.” Jeremy interrupts, invaded by a wave of confidence. He waits to see if his squip has any arguments left, but it seems he’s finally willing to listen. “I think I can decide for myself what my best interests are. And if… if this is what I want and you like me back then… then…”

“Then…?”

 _Then you know what I’m trying to say, you jerk, you can read my mind,_ Jeremy finishes in his head. The Squip smirks like he always does when teasing him, but this time instead of annoying or embarrassing him, it only makes his heart flutter in anticipation. “So, what do you s-“

But then there’s a noise of keys fumbling at the door and Jeremy’s pushed into the bed. Having no intention of dealing with his roommate in this moment, he quickly covers himself with the duvet and pretends to be asleep. He hears Greg walking in, then clothes shuffling and then the clear sound of someone falling on a mattress. 

Damn Greg.

“You need to switch accommodations so you can talk to yourself out loud, Jeremy,” the Squip says, throwing a disgusted look at Greg, who has managed to fall alseep in less than a minute and is already snoring loudly. “Also, you’re way too horny to share a room with anyone, you should've known that.”

“I want to find a flat with Michael. Separate rooms. ” Jeremy whispers, feeling himself start to blush. “But that’s not important right now.”

The Squip sits next to him again. “We have a good arrangement at the moment. Are you sure you want to change it?" he makes a pause but Jeremy doesn't say a word, only stares intensely, and he sighs. "If later you decide that you don’t, you won’t even be able to avoid me. It will be an extremely awkward break-up.”

“Well. Can't be worse than what happened in high school, can it?" he doesn't know where all this certainty comes from, but for now it feels right. He takes hold of the Squip's hand, who's surprised by what he said and even more so by the gesture and makes an expression Jeremy can only describe as cute. "I sense a... favorable outcome. Don’t you?”

“There is no..." the Squip starts, but is distracted by Jeremy linking their fingers together. Holding hands feels strangely intimate now and Jeremy can't help but snicker at the thought. They really did everything in the wrong order, didn't they? Wrong order for normal people to date that is, who knows what the right order for whatever they're doing is. The Squip clears his throat and continues, "There is no previous data to evaluate this kind of situation. And you know I can't make the other kind of predictions anymore.”

“Yeah, so. Trust me. Didn't you say I had a better chance at getting a boyfriend?” 

“You are ridiculous."

“So are you.” Jeremy says. It earns him a raised eyebrow. “You said it yourself! That you feeling stuff was ridiculous and... Anyways, doesn’t matter. Can we... can we be ridiculous together?”

“I suppose,” his Squip says in a defeated tone but Jeremy knows it's not real as he sees the smile forming in his lips. "Now go to sleep, Jeremy. You're getting too excited and you're not alone in the room."

"But he's snoring! I won't make any noise..." he begs in a whisper, too happy to even care about how fast he went from emotional to horny.

“He can wake up. And I’m not in the mood.”

“But you could… do that thing where you feel what I feel... ”

“I don’t want to get in the mood. Honestly, you should at least take me on a date before making that kind of request,” the Squip says and then laughs at his host’s shocked expression. "Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one who asked for this.”

“How am I supposed to take you on a date?”

“Use your imagination, Jeremy, I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” he says with a teasing smile. He cups Jeremy's face in his hand, bringing their lips together, but as soon he starts to kiss back, he pulls away mischievously. “I’ll wait until then. Goodnight, Jeremy.”

 

*


End file.
